the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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