You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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