I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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