My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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