Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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