dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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