Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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