okay pat passed out under dana's car
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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