What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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