Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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