I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize