woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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