yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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