I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize