Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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