A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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