We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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