i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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