Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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