forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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