I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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