That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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