I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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