Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize