she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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