i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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