I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize