brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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