he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
