i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
