I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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