Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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