I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he thought i was a dude.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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