GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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