i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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