listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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