Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize