Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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