I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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