At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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