Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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