True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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