I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize