he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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