EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
