It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
