There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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