i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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