I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize