Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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