i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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