i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
