It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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